Much Ado About Hormones, And Not A Lot Of Focusing
by agentmoppet
Summary: A re-imagining of The Goblet Of Fire with the themes and character movement of Much Ado About Nothing. For the Quidditch League, round nine. A sneaky bit of Drarry also.


**A/N: I really hope my judge has read Much Ado About Nothing, or at least a good summary of it, because I went for the subtle approach... I've re-imagined The Goblet of Fire with the character movement and themes of Much Ado About Nothing. Hopefully, I've managed to pull it off... I'll mention which specific inspiration I've drawn on in an A/N at the end. (I also think I switched the order of the second task and the Yule ball... but I needed it to work that way for my arc and to mirror the ending of a wedding.)  
**

 **Word count minus A/N: 2444**

 **Quidditch League Round 9**

 **Prompts: Much Ado About Nothing**

 **4.(emotion) jealousy  
13.(dialogue) "That is literally the worst thing ever!"  
14.(word) burning **

**IMPORTANT NOTE. I haven't simply written my OTP (Drarry) in because "I lovez them lawl". I've written them in because I think their dynamic works really well for Benedick and Beatrice. I also think an LGBT relationship works well for the play's themes regarding the limitations and expectations of gender.**

Harry smiled as he eyed the blonde Durmstang boy sitting next to Krum. So, that was Draco Malfoy, the one he'd been owling all summer? What a ponce. He was looking forward to continuing their battle in person rather than parchment.

The goblet's flames turned blue, and Harry cheered with the rest when Cedric's name was announced. Eager to feast, he tuned out again until he realised the noise in the room had dropped to a hushed silence.

The flames were blue.

There was a fourth champion.

* * *

Krum and Malfoy followed Karkaroff out of the Great Hall and back toward their ship. Malfoy smirked to himself as he passed Harry Potter. The lump was already proving as pathetic as Malfoy had thought.

"Your training will begin at dawn, Viktor," Karkaroff said over his shoulder. "We will start with offensive-" Karkaroff stopped walking. "Viktor, you're not listening."

Krum looked up in confusion. Malfoy rolled his eyes.

Karkaroff studied Krum. "You couldn't keep your eyes off that girl," he said shrewdly.

Krum blinked, his cheeks slowly reddening. "She vas-"

Karkaroff dismissed him with a wave of his hand and kept walking. "You have no time for this, but I can see you won't be able to focus without a resolution. I'll owl her on your behalf, pretending to be you, and see if she might like to date _after the first task_." He looked back over his shoulder again; a warning.

Krum nodded, contrite.

When Karkaroff left them, Malfoy immediately punched Krum on the shoulder.

"Ow," Krum muttered, rubbing his arm and glaring.

"You're an idiot," Malfoy drawled. "A smitten fool. Focus on the competition."

"You'd do the same," Krum replied sullenly.

Malfoy snorted. "I'd never. No woman could ever make me so stupidly besotted. I'd-" He stopped, noticing movement in the trees.

A woman in a bright green suit stepped out from behind the tree, smiling broadly.

"Young love," she said, snapping her fingers so that the piece of parchment she was holding hovered in the air. The quill above it began to write furiously. "So touching," she continued, wiping her eyes dramatically. "Tell me, when did you first declare your desire to win the tournament for the bushy-haired beauty? Did you announce it before an audience, or was it a private confession?"

"Now hang on just a moment, Krum hasn't said one word-" Malfoy began, but the woman gasped so loudly it shocked him into silence.

"That's right, I'd forgotten," she said tearfully. "Your Headmaster is doing it for you. Youthful naivety; so beautiful, you must treasure it."

Krum narrowed his eyes. "Vhat do you-"

She snapped her fingers again and the parchment rolled up with a sharp _thwack_. "When your Headmaster sweeps the young lady off her feet, be sure to maintain your stoic composure. It will make you so much more attractive in the candid photography."

She turned and was gone.

Malfoy cast a worried eye over his friend's pale expression. "Never fear," he said. "Just concentrate on the first task."

* * *

The first task was dragons.

Dragons.

Harry wondered if it would be a better idea to just jump into the lake right now and be done with it. It would be a significantly more pleasant end. Far less burning. A lot more water. He liked water.

He pushed his toast around aimlessly.

"So, the Boy Who Lived couldn't resist the chance to show off again?" a cool voice said. Harry looked up to see Malfoy sauntering toward his table. "What's the matter, Potter? Not getting enough attention?"

Harry smiled and leaned forward on the table, steepling his hands beneath his chin. "I assure you," he said lightly, "I wouldn't dream of competing for attention with that monstrosity on top of your head."

Malfoy's hand moved involuntarily to his hair, but found it as perfectly slick and flat as usual. He sneered.

"Of course, Potter, keeping up appearances baffles you, doesn't it? You couldn't win with the ladies if you tried."

"Lucky I don't try then," Harry responded, turning back to his breakfast. "I've no interest in relationships."

Malfoy snorted. "Neither do I, but try telling that to them." He looked painfully smug as he turned away.

"That's it, run away!" Harry called after him, but he was grinning to himself. It was surprisingly more fun to rile Malfoy in person than it was by owl.

"Mr Potter, it's time." Professor McGonagall rested a hand on his shoulder.

Harry pushed his plate away and stood up. The sympathy in her eyes was making him feel worse, so he didn't look at her or anyone else as he left the Great Hall.

In the champion's tent, the contestants drew their dragons one by one. Of course, Harry had the Horntail. Was it too late to run to the lake?

He shook his head and began to plan. He'd already decided to call his Firebolt, the rest was going to have to be instinct.

He looked up to see Krum watching him. He frowned.

"What's wrong?" he asked, somewhat more gruffly than he had intended. It wasn't a good idea to pick fights with the other champions, but something about Krum was rubbing him the wrong way.

"Your friend," Krum said hesitantly. "Hermy-own-ninny. She is available?"

Harry felt his jaw go slack. Dragons, Krum. Dragons. Focus.

"She is," he said slowly.

Krum nodded firmly. "Then I vill ask her out. Myself." He mumbled the last word as if Harry wasn't meant to hear.

Harry shook his head and turned away, unsure what to make of that information just now. He could hear Krum still talking to himself.

"Perhaps I vill buy her flowers. No, she is too smart for that. A book."

"Christ, mate," Harry interrupted, unable to help himself. "She's not for sale. Just talk to her."

Krum looked taken aback, before he caught himself and smiled at Harry. It wasn't a pleasant smile. "You prefer to think like a voman, yes?"

Harry had never thought of it quite like that, but if he had it wouldn't have bothered him. He was offended that Krum seemed to consider it an insult. He tried to explain as much to Krum, but the sick feeling in his stomach had reached its climax and he only managed a sort of gurgle.

Krum laughed and patted him on the back, walking to the front of the tent. "You vill learn. Vomen vill not look at you as a man like that."

Harry gurgled again, and gave up as the crowd roared and Krum left to fight his dragon.

All too soon, it was Harry's turn. His Firebolt flew into his hand without a hitch, surprising himself more than anyone else, and then he was off. It felt like coming home, and his nerves melted away.

Unfortunately, he still had no idea how to get the egg from the dragon. And now that he was relaxed, Krum's conversation was annoying him again. He won't be looked at as a man if he tries to see things from a woman's point of view? Really, who does Krum think he is?

He froze, realising something. Thinking like a woman might not get him a date, but it would get him the egg.

He studied the dragon, anticipating her movements. He dived.

First task complete.

* * *

Harry stood in front of the second task, shivering in his swimming shorts and cursing whichever blighter made the rules for this ridiculous contest. It was painfully obvious that they had heard his thoughts about the lake during the first task, and thought 'you know what would be really funny?'.

It wasn't funny.

He thumbed the Gillyweed in his pocket, waiting for the signal. Beside him, he saw Karkaroff sidle up to Krum and whisper something in his ear. Harry froze, thinking he heard Hermione's name.

Krum's face lit up in surprised delight and Harry fought the urge to groan.

The signal rang. Harry shoved the Gillyweed down his throat and dived into the lake.

When he reached the merfolk and discovered what they had taken, he wondered how this competition could possibly be legal. He fought the merfolk and waited until all the champions arrived. Then, he burst to the surface.

Seeing Hermione safe, next to Krum, filled his heart with relief.

"You sentimental idiot!" she burst out, hitting him with a towel. He grinned and drew her into a hug. Before he could pull back, he felt someone grab his arm roughly.

He stepped away and glared at Krum.

Krum turned on Hermione. "Your virtue means so little?" he asked with a sneer.

Hermione raised one eyebrow. " _Excuse_ me?"

Krum waved a hand at Harry. "You lead men on like a game. Even if they are emotional fools who think like vomen."

Hermione gasped in outrage. "Just because you're too thick-skulled to realise you're a possessive, jealous idiot!" Before Harry could stop her, she slapped Krum across the face and disapparated.

The crowd started to yell. No one could disapparate on Hogwarts grounds.

A student appeared next to Harry, holding a pile of towels that towered far over his head, covering his face.

"Take one!" the student gasped to Harry, clearly struggling.

Harry grabbed a towel without looking. Hermione was a very capable witch, he was sure she'd be fine, but he was still concerned.

He looked for Krum, but Krum had already stormed off. Harry snorted.

"You should dump those towels on Malfoy," he said, looking around for him. "He'll probably need them to dry his tears. He wasn't Krum's most precious object after all."

The student holding the towels stiffened. Harry presumed it was to stop the towels falling.

"Who?" the student asked in a squeak.

"Malfoy," Harry repeated. "You don't know him? Just look for the biggest ponce around."

He threw his towel into the laundry basket nearby and walked off.

Malfoy dropped the remaining towels onto the bench and glared after Harry.

They searched for Hermione all afternoon, but she couldn't be found.

* * *

 _THE BOY WHO LIKED OTHER BOYS_

 _Tragic hero Harry Potter, abandoned with Muggles for the first eleven years of his life, has chosen a path that can only lead to further shame and isolation. Desperate for affection, he has run into the arms of Durmstrang student, Draco Malfoy. Not even the threat of expulsion could keep the two star-crossed lovers apart, as their midnight rendezvous only continue to increase in frequency and intensity. See page fourteen for the inside scoop from close friend Lavender Brown – who is quoted as naming their affair a doomed liaison "that is literally the worst thing ever!" – as well as devastating photo evidence._

* * *

The preparation for the Yule ball was a sombre affair for Harry. His best friend was missing, presumably splinched when she had disapparated through the wards. His other best friend was avoiding him and smiling secretly to himself at every opportunity like a right git. Harry had more faith in Hermione than anyone, but Ron was being plain insensitive.

And Malfoy was nowhere to be found. Which was a shame, because Rita Skeeter's article had made Harry think. It was utter rubbish, of course. But, why had she written it? Surely she couldn't make something up entirely from no where.

Maybe she had caught Malfoy admiring him. Harry had long been an advocate for the uselessness of relationships. But maybe he'd just been looking at it from the wrong angle. Harry shook his head. It was a stupid thought.

He straightened his dress robes, held his arm out to Parvati, and entered the ballroom.

Halfway through the champion's dance, his eyes fell on a student he had never seen before. Her brown hair was sleek and shining, framing her face in an elegant twist as she leaned over to whisper into her date's ear. Her date flicked his ginger hair out of his eyes and laughed.

Harry stumbled over Parvati's dress.

"Watch it!" she hissed.

He pointed, his eyes wide. "Did you see who's with Ron?!"

Parvati stomped on Harry's foot. "No one cares," she said, faking a smile.

The second the dance ended, Harry ran over and shook Hermione by the shoulders.

"You're back and you didn't _tell_ me?" he whispered fiercely.

She hugged him. "I'm sorry, Harry. I just got out of St. Mungo's. I splinched myself, and it was all a bit messy for a while there." She shot a glance at Ron, blushing a little. "I only told Ron because, you know, I wanted to make sure he didn't have a date yet."

"What about Krum?" Harry asked.

Hermione's eyes narrowed. "He isn't interested in me. He's interested in my gender."

"And I forgot she was a girl," Ron said cheerfully. "So I definitely don't do that!"

"Hermy-own-ninny," a shocked voice said from behind Harry.

Harry turned to see Krum staring at Hermione, stunned.

"Viktor," Hermione said, tilting her chin up as she spoke.

He moved to hold her, but she slapped him back. "What on earth are you doing?" She linked her arm through Ron's. Ron looked incredibly smug about the matter. "I hardly know you."

Krum stuttered. "But that does not matter. I vould get you flowers and-"

"For heavens sake, you can't buy me!"

Krum's fists balled up and his voice got louder. "Hermy-own-ninny, you are not-"

"Krum, we need to talk," Malfoy interrupted, his voice a slow drawl.

Krum turned in surprise. Malfoy rested a hand on Krum's shoulder and stared dramatically into the distance. "I've been thinking, and my thoughts have lead me to the conclusion that perhaps the reason I think all women are two-dimensional fools who aim for an impossible image of perfection, is that I've been looking at them through your eyes." His own eyes fell on Harry. "And, if I'm perfectly honest, maybe I've been a little caught up in my own expectations, and ended up looking at the wrong gender entirely."

Harry felt his cheeks heat. Krum reeled back as if struck.

"You vould side against me?"

"I will side with what feels right," Malfoy said. He took a step toward Harry. "And my heart is telling me that when you let expectations fall to the wayside, your options improve dramatically."

Harry took Malfoy's offered hand and followed him onto the dance floor. In a flurry of silk, perfume, and smug delight, Hermione and Ron followed.

The music changed to a slow waltz. As Harry danced with Malfoy, he felt himself smile at the sheer amount of love and companionship he had seen tonight. Whatever came of the final task, he hoped he would always remember this.

 **A/N**

 **So, if you haven't read the play, the scenes and themes I was drawing on were:**

 **Hero and Claudio (Hermione and Krum) and their themes regarding the transaction of a relationship. Though I couldn't let Hermione fall into Hero's trap... So Ron and Hermione's canon came into it xD And she certainly wouldn't have fainted when confronted like that. So dramatic disapparation, it is.**

 **Beatrice and Benedick (Harry and Draco) unable to fall in love while they are blinded by society's expectations regarding what a relationship should mean and a person's gender roles therein.**

 **Don John (Rita Skeeter) being a conniving little so-and-so, convincing Krum/Claudio that Karkaroff/Don Pedro's motives are less than worthy. She doubled as Don Pedro though by doing the sneaky-sneaky in convincing Beatrice and Benedick that the other liked them (because it fitted her article style), even if it was malicious where Don Pedro was not. Poor Rita, your scheming does not work...**

 **No masquerade. I figured everyone would do a masquerade, so Draco is hidden by towels.**

 **Draco/Benedick sort of duels Krum/Claudio at the end. With his words. And drama. Really, he probably deserved a soliloquy.**

 **I think that's it...**

 **(I know this A/N is kind of a waste of time, but in case my judge had only read summaries, I really wanted to make sure the effort I put into subtleties was noticed xD Even if I didn't do it well. Because if it's not noticed, this kind of just looks like a poor recreation of GOF and a little bit of Shakespeare.)**


End file.
